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[01 Nov 2004|08:47pm] |
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okay guys, new journal, if i haven't added you yet. it will be. because of recent information, i have found out people i dont want reading my journal have.
some might be added. some not.
if you want to be kept fo sho just tell me
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28 Breath in so deep Breath in for luck... |
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[24 Oct 2004|09:41pm] |
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its addicting |
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oh baby. god desiree lynn! NO! i can't stop myself haha i feel like i'm in freaking 4th grade or something.
Jordan will be gone for one year tomarrow.
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3 Breath in so deep Breath in for luck... |
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| yo baby. lets talk. |
[06 Oct 2004|07:28pm] |
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garthhh |
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I'd appreciate it if you read this entry too. Its public for a reason.
okay. matts trial, i don't even know where to begin. if you read the paper. then you know, but they put none of the good things that happened at trial, and did you know it was ruled as first degree involuntary? as in, it was an accidental death. yeah ACCIDENTAL. sorry if it sounds bitchy but so many people are like "oh what the fuck he did it he meant to do it" it pisses me off. beings as well, none of you know matt, you can't judge someone you don't know. i'll put it flat out. matt is a pansy, he's a wimp, he's as tall as me. i can't even believe everything thats happening beings as its happening so fast. its like..how do i put it..i dont know. i need a word and i can't think of one. anyways. this isn't something i really wanted to discuss. but it needs to get out. god damnit, just read my blurty most of the stuff is in there from when Jordan died. www.blurty.com/users/dezzz692050 and what not. speaking of jordan, yeah i miss her...a lot. especially now, because its going to be a year on the 25th of October. yeah..i dont know, this is rough. but most people wouldn't know that. or understand. put yourself in my position. no, dont. nevermind. you shouldn't have too. just realize that everything in my life isn't great. okay? god. i'm so..argh. mad, upset, and confused. you know? its like..why bother.
and i haven't talked to (his name here) since..sunday.
my dad let me drive today, in his beastly truck.--i told someone about this crush i used to have on them. and yeah..thats about the extent to everything. no school friday or monday. 4 day weekend WOO. i'm actually doing my homework. AND having fun. odd? thinggs are going so wrong, but so right at the same time.
still grounded. call the nokia.
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1 Breath in so deep Breath in for luck... |
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[27 Sep 2004|04:37pm] |
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nickelback |
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So how about you slack up a bit and read this entry hmm?
okay, because i love my father. he's letting me update. looks like thats all i'm allowed to do. okay so this is what happened lastnight. i got in the truck, and he said, "I'm going to do this as quickly and painfully as possible, you're grounded from everything" and that was when the fight broke in. it consisted of me crying. haha surprise surprise. and then i told him the reasons why my grades slipped. because in all honesty, they've never gotten that bad. not since like 6th grade. so i'm grounded from the TV, my stereo, going out, and i can't get on AOL. but. i happened to cheat them on the aol, and stereo. haha i got my brothers headphones. and, i got on AOL on my phone. anddd. i had drew get on, while i was on the phone with him. i was actually hoping the secret crush would get on, (name to be mentioned in further entries) but sadly he didn't. so i'm stuck. cause i do want to talk to him. haha. anyways. but, lastnight i got to go over to matt and janice's for a total of 5 minutes. WOO go dez. it was kind of pathetic. because i went over there crying because i just got out of the truck and i got to talk to him. but they all understood because they all know what a complete jackass my parents are. so they let me cry and complain in the whole 5 minutes. then ofcourse my father yelled out the door to come in because yes he was in his jackass mood because laurie was home. i didn't know if i should give him a hug or not. but i know now that i will see him tonight. and i will get the hug in. god i really hope he doesn't go... so today. is September 27th. as you all know, if you've been reading the entries is matt's trial dates. well i stopped over at matt and janice's and janices dad, Tommy was there. i walked in and talked to him and he said (*as he was in his drunken state*) that all they were doing was picking the jury, i guess all they have so far is like 3, but that was as of one o clock. tom left because it was boring beings as he can't go in to the court room because he's a witness...what i wouldn't give to be able to go. to show them that i am supporting them god damnit desiree! my parents don't understand. i'm so scared that i'm going to lose him. i don't want to lose anyone else. beings as he can go to jail for up to 20 years. which means i'd be like 35 by the time he got out..and he'd be 48. and he'd miss his daughter growing up. miss her first boyfriend, her first dance..he'd miss everything. i'm pittying for him. and i hope it doesn't happen. its like..Jordan's death all over again. and i hate it. i'm so scared. terrified. and tomarrow my dad wants me to go to this "survivors" thing for people who've been sexually abused and what not. guess who he wants me to go with. Laurie. yeah. because she was in the same situation as i was. and what not. but you see the good news is, if i go. i get my stereo back. so i guess its worth it. i'd rather have the TV but you know. baby steps right? they didn't take away my cellphone so thats all that matters. mm by the way. thanks for the phone call BITCHESSSS. once again i'll post the number 815-343-2209
i was in a community and i found this nice little remedy for cramps. lemonjuice, bread, and a teaspoon of sugar, it works.
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3 Breath in so deep Breath in for luck... |
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[15 Sep 2004|07:44pm] |
hey by the way, i dont want any sympathy. just someone to talk too.
none of the "i'm so sorry this is happening to you" i hate that..
who knows how to my LJ icons? hook me up g.
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4 Breath in so deep Breath in for luck... |
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[14 Sep 2004|10:23pm] |
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 mixed emotions. |
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promise |
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hey jordan, your birthdays tomarrow. 4 years old you'd be.
RIP i miss you so god damn much..</3
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Breath in for luck... |
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[11 Sep 2004|09:54pm] |
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livejournal is starting to piss me off. go figure. my app. for this community well it all works except for the pictures.
but on my other journal.
it shows the pictures.
so its either A. Photbucket. or B. Livejournal. damn them!
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2 Breath in so deep Breath in for luck... |
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[10 Sep 2004|04:19pm] |
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oblivated. |
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promise--matchbook romance |
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mm. hot and steamy goodness.
i feel so oblivious to the fact that i dont know.i just really wanted to use the word "oblivious" someone give me the defination. so i can use it more often. thats dez's big word of the week.."oblivious"
have i mentioned. that erica had her baby. and that i got to witness the birth of my nephew/god child. oh boy :) it was beautiful how you can love something so much, and it doesn't even know your name..
<3
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2 Breath in so deep Breath in for luck... |
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| matts trial's coming up |
[05 Sep 2004|07:42pm] |
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okay. there's going to be some tension with in the next 2 weeks. reasons.
Jordan's 4th birthday is coming up on the 15th.
and Matt's trial is on the 28th..
and because most of you dont know this story it was in my blurty. and it happened a year ago on the 25th of October. so i'll tell it.
Jordan Justin and Christopher, there were like the little brothers and sister i wish i would've had. i baby sat them and they were my neighbors. and there's always a favorite and Jordan (Bean, she's a girl) was my favorite. oh my god i loved her. so fucking much. i guess it was one of those "witness it yourself kind of love". she was 2 when i met her. and this was in august of last summer. well she would come over and ask "where's sadie" she loved sadie. sadie's my dog by the way. anyways. so she'd come over a lot and i'd paint her nails and do her hair. haha she always ended up taking it out within the first hour or so anyways. pink. she always wanted pink nails...i haven't talked about Jordan in a long time. anyways. so on october 24th. i was at a mother daughter banquet with laurie that evening and i was sick so i came home took some nyquill and went to bed. the next morning. curt asks me why there was ambulance at matt and janices house i said i dont know. i figured you know one of the kids broke an arm or something..well you know i never thought one of them died. so this is what happend that night. bean was sick all week so janice had to go to work at like midnight so they went to bed at like..6 or so. and nicole (matt and janice's daughter) had brittany over, their cousin. so matt was getting ready to go to bed, and he was going to but bean in justin's bed because justin was over at lisa's for the night and so brittany and nicole could have nicole and jordan's room..well i guess matt fell on jordan. i know it sounds dumb. buut i believe it. and jordan went to bed well i guess she woke up at like 10. and she walked into the kitchen. and just collapsed. matt gave her mouth to mouth and janice said she was as white as a ghost. and she was flown to OSF where they were giving her surgery on her stomach, because she had osmething wrong with her liver. i can't think of it right now...but yeah she died that morning. no one around where i lived found out until like..7 an hour before my first highschool dance. it fucking sucked. and i felt bad for my date..
and thats the story behind Jordan. writing this made me realize how much i miss her. lastnight i cried because i knew it was coming up. it hurts still..and i know that this pain is never going to go away..</3
i dont know. i guess i'd appreciate if you atleast read it. because i dont want to explain it anymore. thats why this is a public entry. so no one asks me questions.
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6 Breath in so deep Breath in for luck... |
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[03 Sep 2004|10:19pm] |
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 really really really horny. |
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bitch puhlease. you can't touch this shit. for shizzle.
ahahah it was so random.
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Breath in for luck... |
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[22 Aug 2004|12:27pm] |
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45-shinedown |
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so. if i died. and you were asked to say something at my funeral about me. what would you say..
this includes the random livejournal friends that i've met in my day.
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10 Breath in so deep Breath in for luck... |
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[18 Aug 2004|03:08pm] |
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So. its Monika's birthday today. duh. even though you guys don't know her. haha say happy birthday to her anyways. (tell her dez sent you)
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) kinkygothgrrl
Happy Birthday Bitch :D
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Breath in for luck... |
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